Under my umbrella

As I wrote to LCPs, as I was told million times - "Be there".
I am at EuroCo and I'll be here till 13th October. It means all my "MCP-job" which can't be done by Masha, will stop. Ok, let's accept this fact (althought I'm still nervous) and tell you what is happening here.

First, It's extremely cool to feel "not enough professional" - I learn faster. It doesn't mean that it's true but the feeling itself make you try more than when it's "safe".
Also I noticed that I'm quite indifferent to all "guru" and "masters" whom I don't know personally. Why? Things they are writing about are obvious. There is nothing new. And when you don't know the story, the context - it becomes meaningless "bla-bla", at least for me. I learn not from the wise thoughts, but from actions, from people who lived a story and share it with me - I learn from them not the "right answers", but the attitude - be brave? be patient? be generous? smile? be ready for everything? They are not necessary very famous, but they are just exist. Here and now.
And exactly this fact (I mean"not enough respect to "guru" and memory for their names & theories") makes me feel "not enough professional". It's easier to use the concept, it's difficult to try, to live...

It's raining in Lituania. I love this weather - it's different to warm Moscow and it makes me feel like in real autumn. 7 months left. 7 months more of MCP experience - the best ever.
It was hard it is still hard. It helps you to discover yourself in hundred different dimensions. For me MCP term is the travel to my true "self" - I have become much more calm, I'd even say "harmonic" person. I still see my failures as the "end of the universe" but now I'll allow myself to try one more time whatever I fucked up. Becuase it WILL be different and I WILL be successful, cause I've learned. I'll fail in other aspects, but it's called "learning" and generally there is no such thing as failure - you are not competing with life or with yourself. You are constantly changing, like a worm - to become a butterfly. And it takes some time and some courage to change certain number of times to get wings. If not enough - you are still worm. Safe but boring.

I'm telling this not because I consider myself as looser and try to find an excuse - not at all - but only this year I understood the concept I described above and still exploring it. And what's the most amazing thing, I've got my lost "it's not enough for me" feeling again! But the difference now is that... it's about experience to live, people to meet, things to try, but not "get new status" or "be elected for the certain position". Focusing on experience I'm sure that there is no way not to get it if you want.

Nastya